Back to the parking future

When Doc took Marty on a whirlwind tour of parking in the UK

Today, 21 October 2015, was officially Back to the Future Day. Today is the point in the future that Marty McFly visits in Back to the Future II.

There has been a lot of debate and discussion on TV, on the radio and online about what the film got right about the future (flat screen TVs, wearable technology) almost right (hoverboards) and wrong (no internet, no smartphones and no Jaws 19).

Back to the Future II was followed by a trip to the Wild West in Back to the Future III. But not many people know that Marty and the Doc also had a very British parking adventure. This trip does not even appear as a Special Feature on the most special Special Edition of the Back to the Future Trilogy.

I hope this is not all getting a bit “timey wimey” as The Doctor might have once said, or is it, to quote Bill and Ted, “Excellent!”

(Surely they are the wrong time travel franchises? - Ed).

Now, back to Back to the Future.

The adventure begins, again

A clock runs backwards, newspaper pages unwrite themselves, the world grows younger… The date is now 21 October 1985. Marty McFly arrives at Doc’s lab, skateboard in hand. 

Doc: Marty!

Marty: Hey Doc, cool car. A DeLorean.

Doc: Get in. And Marty, it’s not just a gull-winged silver beauty, it’s a plutonium-powered time machine.

Marty: A time machine! Now that really is cool. Can we go back and see the Beatles at Shea Stadium, the Elvis Comeback Special being record or, how about meeting Little Richard! Say, I'd really love to check out the real Wild West. If not a rock star, I was meant to be a cowboy. My board is my horse. I know all about it. I've seen every Clint Eastwood movie.

Doc: Forget about the past, this is all about your future. Stop thinking about girls, guitars and movies for just a minute. You need a stable career... but involving horseless carriages. I see you more as a parking manager.

Marty: Whoa Doc! A parking manager, that’s heavy.

Doc: Put your skateboard there, behind Isaac my dog. You will need to know your subject, so I think you need to go to Britain, the home land of Newton, Hawking and John Cleese. A small island with a lot cars.

Marty: I'd love to visit Britain. But I haven't packed my passport...

Doc: If my calculations are correct when this baby hits 88 miles per hour, you’re gonna see some serious sh…

Marty: Doc... it says 1914 on the dash, did they even have cars back then!?

With just flaming scorch marks left in 1985, there was quite a bumpy landing on a, thankfully empty, English country road in1914; and, of course, the motorway building years are still decades away. 1914 is also a year of dark portent, as very shortly across on the continent, in a Flanders field young men, the flower of youth from many nations, would experience the very outposts of hell, in a war that unfortunately was not be the war to end all wars.

Marty: It sure ain’t Hilldale Doc.

Doc: A green and pleasant land though Marty. Now look, see, there are no cars ... yet.

Marty: Great, free parking everywhere Doc!

Doc: Marty you need to know that in a real sense there is no such concept as overall free parking. Someone is paying for the upkeep of that parking space. Now, I brought you back this far to give you an idea of how far things have come. I have a digital version of Parking Review, a wise almanac here that details what pans out parking-wise from 1914 to 2014. You see, I’ve already been back to the parking future.

Marty: Heavy.

Doc: There’s that word again, is there some problem with the Earth’s gravitational pull? Now Marty, listen and read. As you can imagine back then, I mean now in 1914, ownership of motor vehicles was miniscule, and not one single job in parking probably existed. Sales of paint for road marking were hardly a speck on the graph.

And, unlike North America, on this little damp island the Brits did not have the benefits of designing communities by a traffic grid system. Funny though, much later on they were happy to poach our apt turn of phrase gridlock.

Of course, eventually, there was the call for some rules for the road. Such as the Road Act 1920 – requiring councils to register all new vehicles and allocate them with a separate number. There was the creation of the paper Road Fund Licence. Then leap forward to 2014, get this, the paper licence disc becomes virtual. Virtual permits, that’s beyond the imagination of even your Isaac Asimovs and Arthur C Clarkes.

But Marty, let’s stay in the past a while longer. We’re in 1926, so be careful. In this year there were 4,886 fatalities on British roads, even more than today, I mean in 1985. Great Scott! The Road Car Act of 1930 has abolished speed limits because they were so ignored by the driving public! This illogical application of logic was reversed, thank Einstein, by the Road Traffic Act 1934.

We’re flying forward to 1960 where things were about to get, how did the young put it…

Marty: Swinging Daddio? Well that’s according to my old man George McFly, who was not exactly the greatest hipster. Hey Doc, I’ve got a cool idea, why don’t you take the DeLorean and me back, I mean forward, to 1962 and I could become a Beatle or a Stone?

Doc: Marty, we have to careful with the space-time continuum. And perhaps your teacher Mr Strickland was right McFly, you are a slacker! Your destiny as a parking manager is far more important than being a mere insect or an inanimate object – well, at least I think so.

So, where was I? The Sixties. Beatles, Stones, Woodstock, Westminster Council… yes Westminster became the first local authority to introduce Traffic Wardens. Notice how Westminster is always first? Ha! The very first parking enforcement ticket was issued to a Ford Popular car, parked by a doctor whilst on an emergency call.

The Sixties, it’s the Beatles with Lovely Rita Meter Maid… The Seventies, it’s Free with All Right Now…. At last, it’s the Eighties, now we are listening to the big parking hits. No, not Madness' Driving in My Car... I mean the Road Traffic Acts 1984 and 1991. They rule the charts until 21^st Century when we get Traffic Management Act 2004.

This is the era when parking managers were learning to ever-be increasingly resourceful. Parking management became technological, all about computers and cameras, apps and algorithms.

And the cars, well they keep on coming. Even though Detroit died, every city became Motor City as new vehicles appeared on the streets in their millions and they all needed to be parked.

Marty: Doc, this is all, I guess, kinda interesting, but Emmett, to be honest, I’d rather be playing Chuck Berry’s Riding along in My Automobile.

Doc: Yes Marty, but even Chuck would have to park up his Buick or Chevy. Cars are parked up over 95% of their lives, that’s why we need parking managers!

Marty: I wouldn’t mind being led down Lovers’ Lane with Jennifer and parking up 95% of the time Doc.

The DeLorean radio picks up Huey Lewis and the News’ The Power of Love.

Doc: LED! 1.21 gigawatts!! Marty, take note, that’s the amount of electricity you’ll be able to save on your car park lights when you switch to light emitting diode technology. And don’t forget your life care plans for your multi-storeys.’

Marty: Okay, I will Doc, but in the future as a parking manager will I be rich like a rock star?

Doc shakes his head.

Marty: Well at least I will be a respected member of the community.

Doc draws a deep breath.

Doc: Respect, like most things in life Marty, is earned. They may not exactly respect you, but they will tune into prime-time TV documentaries about you.

The parking public will expect professionalism, and that parking rules are fair and reasonable, that your enforcers act responsibly and your facilities are top notch.

Remember our communities will only be safe and grow as we want them to with proper traffic management and parking control, and that also means providing suitable parking for those with disabilities.

But there are two sides to this particular scientific parking equation. Parkers must learn the rules and park responsibly in their properly registered vehicles.’

Marty: Doc I’m not sure this career talk is appealing to me.

Doc: Appeals! Great Scott! Of course, it’s as plain as the apple that fell on Isaac Newton’s head. You must allow fair and independent appeals where car parkers have alleged to have contravened. You must, you must!

Marty: Any other advice for my future Doc?

Marty strokes Isaac the dog on the back seat.

Doc: Ah yes, quoting Sir Isaac Newton, who was born just off the A1 highway at somewhere called Grantham: “If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.”

In the world of British parking, there is a wealth of experience covering the whole range of parking issues. And they really do cover a wide spectrum of knowledge, from designing buildings to repairing them, from planning highways to looking after customers, from developing technology to understanding a very knotty legal system.

Marty, you’ll need to find parking giant as a mentor. That way you’ll see further, develop a 360 degree world view and be more effective, much more quickly.

Marty: A parking giant? Like a very tall manager something?

Marty idling flicks through the history of parking.

Marty: The only giant I know is Biff, and that’s because he’s a giant pain in the… erm… arm. Hey Doc, look at this page from Parking Review in 2014.

The Doc peers and reads the page and sees the picture of the portly politician.

Doc: It says: ‘Minister Eric Pickles makes further attack on town hall parking cowboys.’ Doc, Pickles, he’s… he’s the spit of Biff.’

Doc: Well Marty, only one thing to do with bullies, is to stand your ground and that’s scientifically of course, with facts and figures. Now in 2014 I want you to meet some young female students.

Marty: Yessirree Doc! Now this parking business is beginning to make sense Marty rubs his hands together.

Doc: You should remember Marty that chronologically speaking you are now nearly be 50 years of age! Okay, when you get to 2014 I want you meet the Generation WhY students at the British Parking Awards, organised by those bright chaps at Parking Review. They, the students that is, will have ideas a plenty, fresh thinking that will hopefully stir up your dormant brain cells. Oh, and Parking Review’s okay too! (Gee, thanks – Ed).

Here we are, 2014, the year when you will make your park, I mean your mark, no your park mark. That’s another thing Marty to remember PARK MARK. Now fasten your seatbelt!

With only flaming scorch marks left in 1914, the DeLorean set off.

Doc: One thing Marty, when you’re there I want you to work on an equation I’ve been thinking of.

Marty: You mean like E=MC2?

Doc: Nothing quite so, how would Albert put it, fusionistic. My theory is CC<PM.

Marty: Will do. But what will you do Doc?

Doc: Me, I am going even further forward – 2104. I expect people still want to be in their own metal machine. Humans will always be social and mobile. There will be no circulating traffic as all vehicles will be guided by in-built systems into there own parking areas – I may brand them Doc(k)ing Bays.

There will be no enforcement because the vehicle of the future cannot contravene. There will be no ticket machines because all charging is directly taken from your mobility account.

Hologram parking bays will shrink or expand to match the size and length of the vehicle. And the vehicles are bigger as whole streets of people seem to share the vehicles. Or are they smaller because we all hop in and out of them when needed?

Or maybe they have two wheels and pedals, and no engines… crikes, bikes, atomic bikes! Maybe, just maybe. But know this Marty, the parking future has not been written yet. It’s up to all of us to write it, so let’s make it a good one.

Marty: Keep safe on the future roads Doc.

Doc: Roads? Where I’m going, I don’t need roads. Happy trails

Happy parking trails.

Rod Williamson is city services team leader at Lincoln City Council